The young woman in the black leather bikini turned to face the oncoming Hydra; desperately she attacked the nearest head with her broadsword as the sweat ran in small rivulets down her slim neck and over her DD bosom.
Whack! Whump! one of the monster’s heads rolled at her feet spouting fluorescent green ichor over her thigh-length riding boots. She kicked it into the great hearth where it sizzled and oozed. Ferociously she hacked through the next neck and, in the instant in which the fiendish creature’s torso was exposed, thrust the point of Soulmouth into its black heart. She jumped back as it crashed to the floor. Once it had stilled she approached the scaly corpse, slashed at it twice to make an opening and then plunged in her hand to pull out its steaming, filthy heart.
She moved towards the altar…
The bars were thick as her wrist and pulsing, throbbing through large blue veins from their round bulbous roots to their purple spongiform ["Hey great word!"] heads. ["Yeah, I read it in an article about crazy cow disease from England or some goddamned place somewhere." "Didn't you flunk geography?"]
Soulmouth was out of reach the other side whilst behind her the giant spider, fangs dripping orange venom, hissed as it dragged its wounded abdomen along the flagged floor of the dungeon.
“Calm yourself, Jenna,” she said to herself, ” no mother insect’s going to do what the entire band of Kildor’s skeletons couldn’t.”
A shaft of sunlight glinted off the wounded arachnid’s back. In a flash Jenna’s plan sprang fully-formed into her head.. She flicked her blonde hair out of golden blue ["No such colour" "This is our fantasy so there is now."] eyes. She moistened her pouting lips with her smooth sliding tongue. ["get outta here Billy!"] her ample breasts heaved like two restrained whales in black leather skull caps as she inhaled deeply, filling her lungs for the effort which could well be her last.
Staring steadfastly into the creature’s eight eyes, well six now as she’d destroyed two already, she ran straight for it. Just in front of its gaping maw she turned somersault, vaulted onto its back and jumped into the small chimney. Below her, robbed of its prey, the vile creature spat its displeasure.
” Oh, don’t worry little silk ass I’ll be back for Soulmouth and when I do I’ll finish what I started, like a real lady should.” [ "Yay! high five."]
The red sky grumbled as thunder tore from cragged horizon to the shores of the blood-tinted Sea of Despond. Soulmouth sang with eerie delight as Jenna held the black blade aloft defying the elements. Lightning paid homage at her feet and the wind whispered of death. Jenna laughed as she pulled her mount away from the Castle of the Chaos Lords.
” Tomorrow my faithful steed you shall have the finest stable in all the kingdom and an army of grooms to cosset you. But not yet for we have far to go and you must be strong for it’s nigh five and thirty leagues hence we must be before the sun dies tomorrow. So run my beauty, run brave Thunderhooves sire of the Herd of Shar. Run!” ["A whole paragraph without any innuendo; you're slipping Billy"].
She stood over the body the body of her beautiful horse, now foaming in its death throes; the arrow still erect and quivering in its skull.
Jenna’s tears were of sorrow and steel. ” Farewell in the Halls of the Dead. Await me there for it won’t be long until we are united in eternity. I will mourn you as befits the steed of a champion, but not now. First come vengeance.”
To the left the chasm was deep and dark and offered no easy prospect of escape. Behind were the archers of Goth the Unsteady, fond of a jar or two of mead. Ahead the mountain had built a wall of snow and to the right a steep scarp plunged almost 3000 feet to the river below that marked the boundary of the Elven Glades where even from this distance could be seen golden daylight lingering between the fractal branches. ["Enough, time for action!" "OK, I'm thinking."]
Jenna snarled like a wild cat.
From here Goth, mounted on his elesaurus could clearly be heard urging on his men.
” Scum! now we have the bitch.Tonight we’ll have roast thief for dinner. take her alive!”
Jenna could almost smell his boozy breath from here. She took the wide-bladed hunting knife from the sheath on her smooth bronze thigh. reversing it to hold it by the blade she shouted to the brigand.
“You go to hell, you go to hell right now.” ["No! No! that's Mr Hat stupid!" "OK, I'll delete it"]
“May the Lords of the White Power damn your soul!”
She threw the knife spinning unerringly towards the stomach of Goth who grunted loudly as the serrated edge sliced its way deep into his enormous expanse of blubber.
” A stomach wound is a slow way to die but fitting vengeance for Thunderhooves.”
Then without another glance Jenna placed her shield on the top of the scarp, sat on it and sledged the three thousand feet to safety below.
“My liege.” Jenna
knelt ["Say genuflected, it's in the synonym list"] genuflected before the Prince. She could see his perfection shining from every brightly polished surface in the throne room, the Room of Kings.”
” Have you brought the Orb my Captain?”
” It is here sire. There will be no delay to your coronation on the morrow, the sacred day of the Spring Moon.”
Still looking at the floor she held up the sphere so that all the courtiers about could see the truth of her words. In all their finery and with all their courtly sophistication they could not but emit an audible gasp as the Prince took the Orb from her hand and. holding it aloft, turned about the room. It glowed faintly, then more brightly until, after a few seconds, it was impossible to look at directly.
The Prince closed his hand about it then place it on a velvet cushion.
“Go! tomorrow I shall be crowned.
After they had left he lifted Jenna’s face up.
“This quest has cost you three months of danger my Captain of the Thieves Guild; Lady what would you as reward? You knew when you took the commission that the treasury is empty save funds for the war.”
“After three months Lord there are only two things I need.”
“Name them and they shall be yours.”
“First a bath.”
For answer she looked at the front of his codpiece which gradually stirred as her meaning became clear.
["Cool, save it and post it. I'll get the pizza.]